There is my mum, which I grow up with. And my dad who left us when I was 2 and a half years old.
And now there is my step mother…
I really like my step mum, but our relationship is complicated even if she doesn’t see it.
I need to forgive my mum and my dad so many things.. And I see there are so many things I need to be forgiven by my son. Same mistakes my dad did. Maybe not exactly the same but…I left him, when he was 2 and a half. He is a divorce child, it was really hard for him. I am sure it still is.
I know, my mother loves me. And I am pretty sure, my dad does too. Even if he never told me, never showed me. Last summer he said “I love you” for the very first time. And when I think about it, I knew last Winter that he would be okay with me, being a trans*man. My mother never was. So maybe he really loves me but is unable to show it the way I’d understand.
My step mother loves me too, I think. She has told me so, a few times. I can’t feel it. I can’t say if it’s true or not. My brain tells me it is, but I’m unable to feel the love people give me. Sometimes there are people who are *really* close to me..boy-/girlfriend close. That’s the closeness I need to feel loved. Other than this it’s very hard to break through.
Do I love my parents?
I know, I love my Mum. But I can’t say for the others.